{"id":10143,"date":"2014-02-28T09:14:11","date_gmt":"2014-02-28T08:14:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/?p=10143"},"modified":"2014-02-28T09:14:27","modified_gmt":"2014-02-28T08:14:27","slug":"still-thinking-about-captives-and-entire-season-9-so-far","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/still-thinking-about-captives-and-entire-season-9-so-far\/","title":{"rendered":"Still thinking about captives and entire season 9 so far"},"content":{"rendered":"

All thoughts and credits go with much thanks to Tina K (@<\/s>az_Tina_MK)<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

The Road So Far: My POV (on Sam\u2019s POV to Dean\u2019s POV\u2026 you get the picture\u2026 & cue music)<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

I love that the fandom is so supportive of Dean and sensitive to the fact that Dean has such a poor self-image.\u00a0 His self-esteem issues and abandonment issues have been well documented (and very, very well acted by Mr. Ackles). \u00a0For the fandom to rally so whole-heartedly and come so quickly to Dean\u2019s defense in light of Sam\u2019s recent actions towards his brother, as a Dean-girl it warms my soul.\u00a0 Those moments showing Dean\u2019s shock and hurt and feelings of betrayal and abandonment at the hands of Sam breaks my heart every week.\u00a0 Like most – I have the newly unwrapped box of tissues close by for those last 10 minutes of the episode.<\/p>\n

I believe that every single second and conceivable emotion from Dean\u2019s Point of View has been discussed, mulled over, and dissected in every possible manner by every tweet, blog, and article I read.\u00a0 This is why I would like to explore the character that I believe in recent episodes is beginning to become completely misunderstood by most fans\u2026\u00a0 Sam.<\/p>\n

I almost feel like the fans have forgotten that Sam too has major self-esteem issues, abandonment issues, intimacy issues, mommy issues, daddy issues, authority issues, and those are just the first issues that I can remember from psychology 101 class.\u00a0 We are talking about a guy who refuses to think of the MOL bunker as home because he is afraid that if he does, it will be taken away from him.\u00a0 Almost all the women in his life that he has loved have been killed.\u00a0 He has never felt the unconditional love a mother or father is supposed to give a child. \u00a0He never felt that he had his father\u2019s approval.<\/p>\n

For that matter, if you remember Sam\u2019s confession to Dean in episode 823, he never has felt that he has fully had Dean\u2019s approval either.\u00a0 His biggest regret was that he believes he has always lets Dean down.\u00a0 Is it any wonder that with such heavy guilt weighing over him, when Dean asked him not to finish the trials, in the heat of the moment he did exactly what his big brother asked?\u00a0 The same brother and protector and idol, who was the closest thing he had to a caring parental figure (besides Bobby), who he desperately wants to live up to and seeks the respect of at any cost?\u00a0 Of course he stopped the trials when Dean asked.\u00a0 Of course, he believed Dean when told stopping was the right thing to do- that there would be other ways to stop the demons.<\/p>\n

But the demons keep killing.\u00a0 And now, Dean has teamed up with the very worst of them- Crowley.\u00a0 What was it that Sam asked Dean in that church?\u00a0 Who would be next in line to be Dean\u2019s favorite confidant instead of Sam?\u00a0 Another angel?\u00a0 Another vampire?\u00a0 No, now it seems to be the King of Hell.\u00a0 Once again, Sam is playing second fiddle.\u00a0 **Yes- feel free to argue this point until you\u2019re blue in the face but remember- I\u2019ve had 3 glasses of wine, and this is my opinion of the way I think Sam may be seeing the situation – not yours \ud83d\ude09 **<\/p>\n

This being feeling of being pushed aside again, comes after Sam has been lied to and deceived by the one person who he has trusted above all others for all of his life. \u00a0The person who Sam has spent his life trying to measure up to has not only let him down, but has rationalized his actions in the way Sam has done in the past, and has been chastised by Dean over and over for doing so.<\/p>\n

I do not doubt for a second that Sam, seeing how things have played out, feels horribly guilty for even just being alive right now.\u00a0 Dean may have been the one who tricked him into being possessed by the angel who killed Kevin, but Sam still feels Kevin\u2019s blood on his hands- even if it wasn\u2019t really him doing the killing.\u00a0 Even worse, I\u2019m sure that Sam has come to see the whole situation as if Dean has traded Kevin\u2019s life for his.\u00a0 With Sam\u2019s low feeling of self worth, doubled by his self-loathing at the horrible things he remembers Gadreel doing, I truly believe Sam feels that his life, that him being alive right now, was not worth it.\u00a0 He has said as much to Dean.<\/p>\n

Dean has turned his pain inward, on himself in the form of drinking and depression.\u00a0 Sam, while also depressed and feeling guilty, is lashing out with his pain on the only target he has- Dean.\u00a0 Many people keep expressing that they are surprised that Dean is \u201cputting up with\u201d Sam\u2019s behavior, but as someone who can relate very closely with Dean – after spending years of taking abuse, whether physical or emotional, in order to protect someone you love – you are not going to walk out on them, especially when you know they are hurting.\u00a0 Dean knows that Sam is hurting.\u00a0 Taking my parent\u2019s abuse in place of my siblings is something I have done for years in the name of protecting them.\u00a0 It would literally take an act of God for me to stand by and let them suffer, so please believe that this is something I know a little bit about.<\/p>\n

I truly think that at the heart of the matter is the idea Sam has that his life is not as important as Kevin\u2019s life was.\u00a0 That he believes that his life is not worth as much as any of the people dying and being tortured at the hands of the demons he didn\u2019t stop by closing hell forever.\u00a0 That he did what Dean asked only to impress and gain his brother\u2019s approval in that church, but thinks that is has gotten neither.\u00a0 That he now believes that the consequences have been too high, proving without a doubt (to him) that he was not worth saving.\u00a0 Sam thinks that Dean paid too high a price and has paid with innocent people\u2019s blood, which is on his hands now too.<\/p>\n

Do I believe any of that?\u00a0 Of course not!!\u00a0 I know Dean\u2019s heart was in the right place when he saved Sam and as a viewer, of course I\u2019m glad my favorite fictional brothers are both alive and here to fight another day – I\u2019m just trying to see things from Sam\u2019s POV which I think has been mysteriously vague and lacking these past few episodes..\u00a0 Which I\u2019m hoping has been intentional and all will be revealed at a later date.<\/p>\n

There is a glimmer of hope though.\u00a0 Time heals, and that is what Sam needs most. He stopped at the door, as if he was thinking about going back to talk to Dean at the end of this last episode.\u00a0 Maybe walking away was his way of keeping himself from saying another hurtful thing to Dean.<\/p>\n

Also, Sam has made a habit of running away from situations throughout the series and back-stories (his dad, his girl, etc) but for once, he is staying put.\u00a0 All be it, up until now has been sticking around to insult and throw hurtful words at Dean, but at least it\u2019s better than taking off for parts unknown.\u00a0 Baby steps, but steps none-the-less.\u00a0 And fandom- let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 If things were smooth sailing between these two beautifully flawed characters and they were best\u2019ies just hunting down monsters – this wonderful road would not have lasted for 9, going on 10 year.\u00a0 So cheers, feels, tissues, another glass of wine, and enjoy. \u00a0It\u2019s called Drama for a reason, my love.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All thoughts and credits go with much thanks to Tina K (@az_Tina_MK) The Road So Far: My POV (on Sam\u2019s POV to Dean\u2019s POV\u2026 you get the picture\u2026 & cue music) I love that the fandom is so supportive of … Weiterlesen →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-supernatural"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10143","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10143"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10143\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10146,"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10143\/revisions\/10146"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10143"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10143"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sajec.de\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}